i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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