She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize