sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
