also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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