U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
