i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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