Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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