I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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