I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
