Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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