Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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