omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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