More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
a search helicopter?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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