he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
