Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
