I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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