i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
