Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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