Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
