hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
