I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
