That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
