i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
