I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
