When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
