This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
