I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
