Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
