I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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