He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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