Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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