no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk is not a location!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
