I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
