I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
