Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
