he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
