I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
