It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
True strength comes from lack of pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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