foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
