I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
