Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
