Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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