Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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