Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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