Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
