That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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