there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
