the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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