I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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