I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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