I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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