The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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