Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They have beer where we have blood.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
