I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
