His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
