You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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