Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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