So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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