is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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