Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
