Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
