One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
