Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
