last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
