stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
