I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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