sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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