Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
