Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
