all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
