I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
