I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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