Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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