I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
