Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My balls are so social today.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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