Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
These tits shall not be calmed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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