Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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