Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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